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Old 08-01-2012, 03:04 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 629
Default This forever thing

I've been seeing BF for 9 months now. Keep in mind that, although I've heard of open marriages, the whole concept of polyamory was brand new to me. Moreover, he was more of a swinger, and up until now, his actual relationships have always been online. This is a first for him in a number of ways, too.

Right now, I like things exactly as they are. But, I struggle with the idea that relationships should 'go somewhere,' grow toward something bigger, and this really won't. I'm happy with it now...but I realize in a year or five, I may want a whole lot more...more time, sharing a house, knowing if one of us moves, we'd move together, planning for retirement, supporting each other financially, the things a normal couple eventually does.

He has long been talking about how he wants it to go on forever. He started the relationship saying he knows it has to end someday, that I'll find someone who can give me all of the above. He hasn't said that in a long time.

A month ago, he said if, god forbid, anything happened to his wife, he'd give up his many years of swinging 'for the right person.' More recently, this 'forever' thing came up again, and he said: Once two people get married, how does their relationship continue to grow and change?

I said children being born, growing, milestones, careers changes, moving together, expecting to grow old together, knowing someone is going to be there if you're in the hospital. His answer was that he and I can go through career changes and milestones together. He asked, "Don't you know I'd be there with you if you were in the hospital?"

But the fact is, he can't be there for major events with my children and barring, as he said, something happening to his wife, we're not going to have a home together or support one another financially. And at the same time he's talking about forever with me, he's talking about making changes that would move him across the country.

So what does any of this mean to those in the polyamory lifestyle? Is there ever really any forever and what does it look like? Is he just living in a fantasy world without really thinking this through--for instance telling me he wants forever with me while he's talking about trying to move away?

I don't really have a specific question; I just find it bewildering and would like input from others' experiences on 'forever.'
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