View Single Post
  #10  
Old 08-01-2012, 02:52 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,793
Default

The title of this thread is focused on secondary relationships for a partnered couple. Since turnabout is fair play, I thought I'd share a comment from another forum which is from the singles' perspective. Obviously, the choice to date someone who is married doesn't have to apply only to a secondary relationship, but to any. This was part of a reply to a thread about the rules/guidelines that single polyfolk establish for themselves. I thought it an interesting comment:
I've found that one of the reasons I don't tend to do well dating partnered folk is that generally speaking, they give an *incredible* amount of lip service to their own autonomy, etc... but in the end, one of two things happens:

1. It turns out they're lying to their other partner(s) about some aspect of their relationship with me.

2. Their other partner(s) turn out to have a great deal more influence over them than they'd initially led me to believe.
Has anyone experienced either one of these issues mentioned above? Are there other solos/singles who are skittish about dating someone who is married? What are your reasons?

Upthread, I wrote that I feel there is too much potential drama in dating a married guy. I wrote that over a year ago, and I think I am more comfy with the idea now, but still cautious - basically because I'm wary of Reason #2 in what I quoted. What are your thoughts?
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote