Originally Posted by SeventhCrow
If everything's a lie, then find the most useful lies and act as if they're true. Should they cease to be useful, find different lies.
Feeling some Meatloaf right about now:
"It's all or nothing
And nothing's all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out
"It's always something
There's always something going wrong
That's the only guarantee
That's what this is all about
"It's a never ending attack
Everything's a lie, and that's a fact
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!"
I think once all the pieces have finished falling, you'll then be able to rebuild. That's what's worked for me in the past. I let it all fall down and then built something different.
God there was a time I listened to that song OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND...
You get the picture.
Yes Berserker-I think many of us have been there. I know I have. It's hard to see through the haze of b.s. when it seems like the world is waiting to kick you AGAIN while you are down.
Unfortunately no amount of apologies from any of us are going to help either. Because somewhere inside of yourself-you have to find that small, barely beating heart, that tiny little spark of yourself that you can slowly, calmly stoke into a fire again.
Like "your people" did before you, you have to find that tiny little ember and nurse it along until it's safe and reasonable and useful to build another fire. Then you patiently let a few pieces of hair start to smolder, blow a light almost kiss like breath across the smoldering hair and add a little piece of straw or fuzz or grass. As the ember grows from a tiny little black warmth into a smoldering, smokey pile of fuzz you blow a little more-with more energy and add some more kindling, eventually you'll have a raging fire again and find your, as of yet unrealized, full potential.
Mind you-no woman is going to bring that to you. You'll have to find it yourself. But you can find it. Your posts show you have enough spit and vinegar in your to fight for it. Your post to Mono shows you also have the necessary compassion and heart to patiently nurse that ember. Be gentle with yourself.