not sure what to do
Kinda on my last line here I guess so i thought i'd give this a shot. sorry this is so long
My gf about 4 months ago cheated on me with a man, though I knew she had fantasies about him all the time, they became close. It wasnt a surprise but was really difficult. I live about 3 hours away but do see her at least twice a month for long weeks...
instead of cutting off the relationship, I was open to having her sleep with him. I also decided I should meet him. At first it was weird and akward. But hes a total nice guy. He knew that I was open to her sleeping with him. The first night I met him it got weird fast, They were kissing and going out for smoke breaks, and she would text me asking if she could sleep with him (and granted i was visiting and only had a limited days with er, and well i just met the guy), she didnt end up sleeping with him that night but the three of us did have a talk i explained to him how i was hurt but I was open to the idea of them being together. I laid some ground rules, which were basically "please dont have sex everyday". Of course that was futile and they did. She would disapear for hours on end and I wouldnt hear from her.
a few weeks later i went to visit my gf. well as she picked me up from the bus station and we got in a cab she was really anxious to go get food together. well come to find out this guy was sleeping in her bed. I guess they hung out the night before etc. She knew i was coming for weeks but whatever. I ran into him as he was leaving her apartment and we said we'd all chill later that night.
we all got along better. It seemed like this could work. She also started having sex with me less and less. she said she "wasnt attracted to me" anymore but then realized it was guilt she was feeling as if she was cheating on this other dude. we sort of worked it out, but our sex life was less and less
we still would see eachother and be romantic, and she claimed poly more and more. Summer hit and this dude had to go away for a job during the summer. I would go up and visit my gf or she would come here. I became closer to the dude. When she was over here i surprised her by having him skype with her to wake her up, or when i was over her place i'd do the same thing as week. he and i talked in detail about this situation and how its odd but we felt ok with it. His parents are pretty open so he told them and they were accepting. We even agreed to both go halfs on a ring for her as gift to give her when he gets back. We both have a lot of common interest too so we get along fairly well
He came back and he actually during the summer lives by me, so she came to visit for 8 days, 4 with him 4 with me. I knew that if she spent 4 days with him it would be unfiair to just rip them apart so i invited him to hang with out the first day even crash her if need be. She is madly in love with him and I knew it would damper So 4 days pass she comes here with him We gave her the ring she loved it kissed us both etc and has been def more touchy feely on the both of us. But I can tell shes way more into him then me. It sounds strange and i feel like a complete jerk. but shes more willing to kiss him. we all slept in my bed together and cuddled with her but something feels off i dont know.
to top it off i havent spent any alone time with her on this trip. as i type this they are in my bed sleeping. he was only suppose to be here one night but now hes been here two and on his third day here. All we've been doing is watching movies i took a vacation for this. Granted shes been sick I guess but shes also been really cuddley with him. she'll come over and give me a quick kiss or something Im trying not to let it get to me, and maybe im over reacting but it doesnt feel equal. i am all about it being equal and i dont need a ton of alone time with her, but this fall theyre practically going to be living together, then going abroad together, I will still be three hours away and limited on visits.
The thing is with this dude is hes very quiet and closed off. i on the other hand am vocal and wantto express feelings. I tried last night to "check in" to see how everyone feels. i didnt get much out of either of them, just that its fine etc. but we havent really discussed the situation all 3 of us together since april. they just seem off in their own little world though. But whenever shes having an issue with him she always leans on me and i always defend him pretty much in any situation. cause well, i genuinely do think hes a good guy. their have been times shes talked to me for hours about her issues with him and i've always been there. ive been paying for their food the days theyve been here (and he was supose to go halfs on the ring, but hasnt offered to pay me yet). granted they both are college students and i have a job..but this feels weird.
my gf is really claiming poly and im all for it, but it doesnt feel like it, and i feel like im getting the short end of the stick here. like i said im typing this and i can see them cuddling in my bed. it doesnt hurt so much that they are doing that, it hurts that this doesnt feel even at all. the priority seems him now and im just in the way. she sobbed at the thought of him going home this week while shes at my place, so i feel like i cant even tell the guy to leave or she'll lose it or just go back to his place. I completely understand i guess things cant be even, but is it weird she hasnt even offered to see if i wanted alone time with her, after shes been with him for 4 days well, i guess going on 6 now...am i just being used?
anyways i know this sounds like a mess, im leaving some really personal things out too. which might be critical to the situation but i dont know