wow, that's a heavy bit to write, thanks for opening up and sharing that. I don't know what to say other than I know that feeling; I've been there and just reading your post sort of reminded me that maybe nothing matters at all, really. I feel like in those times, when you feel like you're "lost", you don't know anything, nothing matters, who you thought you were is now just an empty shell.... maybe that's the times when you're really NOT "lost", when you're really in touch with the way things really are, and when you've met a new girl who sweeps you up into bliss or you get involved in some games or social interaction... maybe THAT'S when you're actually "lost"... caught up in the illusions that life has to offer rather than facing the stark desert of reality.
It's a bit of a dark philosophy... but even thinking/believing along those lines doesn't preclude enjoying your life.
I doubt I've helped, but maybe in some way at least knowing you're not alone helps?
Often he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been rent asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him...and he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.