Originally Posted by Cleo
...Because my husband is going through this break-up that nobody even knows if its really a break up, he's very vulnerable, and is experiencing jealousy and insecurities when it comes to my relationships . . .
It's gotten to the point where he is asking me not to see my boyfriend. My dates with him are on the same schedule as 4 months ago, but all of a sudden husband says things are going too fast, its too soon, etc.
Now, I really want to help him.. but it's confusing and complicated . . . And where do my needs come in? they seem to be unimportant, because I don't want to hurt or disappoint any one.
You've said everything here that I would say to my husband if I were you:
"Look honey, I know things are confusing, and you're upset and feeling vulnerable, and I want to be there for you as much as I can. But I have needs, too, and so does my BF. You say things are going too fast with me, when nothing has changed at all from what it was before. So, obviously, you're looking at it through your inner turmoil, and my limiting time with the BF isn't really going to lessen your turmoil.
I made a commitment to both of you, and I can't hold your hand every minute of the day, so you have to figure out how to get through this and what I can do to support you, but I won't put my other relationship on hold just because you're feeling insecure. He's an important part of my life and it's unfair for me to set him aside. Let me show you that I can be there for you and still have time for him."
Sorry, I do often write "scripts" like this, just because it's easier than trying to paraphrase what I think you could address. Of course, I'm not really telling you what to say, and you would phrase it in a way that feels natural to you, but that is my take on your situation. I believe in relationship triage, but I also feel that one's partners have to trust that we can manage all of our multiple relationships as we see fit, and no one's insecurities (even a spouse's) should dictate how or when to spend time with another love.