Originally Posted by bambisrevenge
I feel like any time she has sex with someone else is time she chose someone to have sex with someone else instead of me, considering I have the higher sex drive and am down most anytime. How do people in Poly relationships get over this?
I'll leave the discussion of the trust/cheating to others, who have said it better, but I did want to address this part.
For me (straight female, married 8 years, poly for 5 of them) my sex drive is not a zero sum game. This comes up a lot when we talk to folks about it, and DH just snickers at this point, because of how incredibly stark the difference is between what people assume and what actually happens.
My sex drive goes through the roof in NRE, and 90% of that spills over into my primary relationship. Even outside of NRE, my sex drive has improved light-years from when we were monogamous. I can only speculate as to why, but my guess is that I just have so much freedom now to be who I am without judgement that I can be more relaxed and open and honest in bed - resulting in a more satisfying sexual relationship with my primary, even when there is no one else in the picture (which is most of the time for us). That, and you learn things with each new partner
There are many things I would have never tried if I hadn't had a partner that suggested it that turned out to be things I really really enjoy. "Variety is the spice of life" has never been more true than in the bedroom. Where I used to be the low-libido partner, now I am the one initiating most of the "intimate" times, suggesting new positions, and requesting favors
Now, that said, trust is the name of the game and she broke it. It is up to you if you want to work through that or not. Everyone has their own proclivities. But if you do, and if you consider poly, I wouldn't worry too much about "missing out" on her sexual times. Just be honest about your own needs.