Listen, don't give up.
I see you as a learner. (Aren't well all?! The learning is never done.)
And in the struggle to name the Un-named in order to give it expression in the way you wish to Love, and get a handle on this in and within your marriage, and deal with other people's communication styles on this forum...
(my own style clarity waxes and wanes depending on my energy level -- I'm a chronic patient and me head is not always crystal clear, yah?
Hanging out here participating -- It's still kind of a safe lick of the lolly. YKWIM?
Before you actually DO open up.
Invite a new person into your Loving Shared on the Real Life plane.
to the max in forum world, before you get to Real Life World polymath equationing.
Loving on Poly? It is madness. It's horrible. It's wonderful. It's both.
Take a deep breath. You are doing FINE however it is you do it. There is no right way for all -- your way is right for YOU.
If you have not already, start reading some basics -- whatever type you absorb best whether it is online like the above link or at http://www.morethantwo.com/
Books like "Ethical Slut" or "Opening Up." There could be nuggets somewhere
for you even if not ALL resources speak to you at the same volume or even at all.
It is only in the Human Pressure Cooker of Living that we get bopped about toward becoming our best selves.
Wishing you well, whatever you decide...