View Single Post
Old 07-31-2012, 04:26 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,703

What Hannahfluke said.

PocketPoly, have you and Piper sat down and discussed rules and boundaries IN DETAIL? It sounds like the both of you are making a lot of assumptions and then get blindsided when neither of you live up to said assumptions and assume wrongly. This I know something about , my husband and I spend 19 years not discussing certain things because we "just assumed" that it was obvious to the other. Needless to say this caused a great deal of resentment and tears to the point we were 2 steps away from filing divorce.

Now the question to ask yourselves is do you want to stay married? Are BOTH of you willing to do the work required to stay married and living in the same house? To me marriage is a partnership, (it helped us think of it as a partnership because the word "marriage" seems to evoke too many traditional stereotypes that hindered our progress), if even one party isn't willing to work together to make the partnership work, then there is no point.

You both need to learn how to communicate effectively with each other. One key thing is to NOT assume the other party actually understood what you were trying to say. Frequently stop and asked what they heard/understood and thought you were saying.

My gut still says: Colada is a cowgirl and is actively trying to make your life miserable enough that you leave and Piper is allowing it and following her lead. Who cleans out a nightstand drawer, without your permission, talk about invasion of privacy. I'd be seriously pissed if my husband so much as re-organized my nightstand drawer, much less completely cleaned it out. In fact I do get upset and feel violated when he even opens the drawer because he is looking for a safety pin or something, to me it's as private as my purse. Neither of them are even showing common courtesies to you and then calling you crazy when you feel disrespected.

Spend some time doing some tag searches on rules, boundaries, foundations, etc.
Reply With Quote