I forget who the hell i am anymore, what i stand for, believe in, want, care for, etc. I feel like an empty shell. A shadow of my former self, watching my current self spiral into self destruction, helpless to stop the travesty unfolding before my fucking eyes.
Im lost, lost like i was 2 years ago, then i met a girl and everything came into clarity. Now shes gone and everything is out of focus. I see the way i treat people now and i just stopped caring. I smoke marijuana a hell of alot more than i used to. Now for completely different reasons. I lost interest in everything, I dont play games as much as i used to, i stopped playing guitar, stopped being social, stopped trying to make friends, i lost my religion. I dont know what i believe anymore. Nothing is true, everything turns out to be a lie.
I mean, shit, i act like i normally do, but inside i know that im dead. I think about trying to move on, trying to find a new woman to bring into my life, but its hard to be confident when you never had any self confidence in the first place. God i wish my people never became modernized and we still hunted buffalo with sticks and arrows...god it would be so much easier being a Cherokee in a whitemans world if it was still like that...but alas i cant be so lucky
How does one rediscover one's self?