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Old 07-30-2012, 11:54 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,809

Hrm. Swinging to me is recreational making out (soft) or sex (hard.) Love doesn't even enter it.

I prefer my spectrum to go from initial romance crush --> friendship -- > crush revealed --> lovers.


friendship -->romance crush blooming & revealed--> lovers.

Each stage hit allowing a time to digest and see if we agree to move it forward.

I totally get the FWB thing -- actually my now DH grew from that! But that was me dating as a SINGLE woman then. I wanted a steady squeeze so it WOULDN'T be random hookups. But it was mostly in the friend bucket because I wasn't looking for a deep love either. I wanted a friendship, with some sex on the side. That progression went like friends --> lovers as FWB for a year with option to renew contract --> Renew, add romance now --> deepening friendship/lovering --> marriage.

For me to date as a married woman -- I don't want to bother with a FWB approach. I have lots of friends, and I can have partnered sex with DH. I don't feel the call to sex with a friend to fill a love void I had as a single in a new city (then) because... there's none?

What I'd be looking for NOW would be the unfolding of a deep relationship. So the approach of friendship first feels "most right for us" to me and to DH at this time of our life.

that would mean he gave his heart out way too easily...and more likely to get hurt.
Nah. To me it would just be DH being love drunk.

I don't think falling in love initially can even be helped. It's a hormone cascade. There's lots of articles on neuroscience of falling in love. Feelings are just feelings -- angry, happy, sad, loving. We can't help it. We let it blow on thru. Then we see if we want to REACT or ACT WITH INTENT in response.

It's the work of STAYING in love for reasons other than the initial pink fluffy cloud lala stuff. Investing time and energy to forge ties.

So merely falling love is cute to me. I don't think it's a threat to me at all if DH is suffering a crushlovething. I wouldn't make any major decisions in the first year of it though as a married! That's usually why I rather hold off and enjoy the crushie from afar for a while. Form a friendship, then see what's what.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-31-2012 at 12:05 AM.
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