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Old 07-30-2012, 05:15 PM
snowmelt snowmelt is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 172

I agree with everything AutumnalTone said. I'll add a couple of things. The story you told has a lot of drama in it. I think that drama is caused by several things:

(1)You're not really sure (yet) what kind of relationship(s) you want. You've spent your past relationships exploring this question. You haven't answered it yet.

(2)You and Ted are not compatible. Sexual attraction by itself doesn't create compatibility. In fact, you can be totally incompatible with someone you're attracted to. You have been repeatedly.

Drama is always caused by unresolved issues in a relationship. In fact, I'm going to take a leap here and say I don't think Ted was really poly at all. His poly was not real inside of him. It was a coping mechanism (reaction) to your poly. Why else would he consistently draw people to him who didn't respect your relationship with him? The answer to that question is - because deep down inside he didn't want them to respect it. Where does a deep down inside desire to find another woman who wants YOU out of HER way come from? From feeling rejected, deep down inside, by your wanting to be poly. He drew people to him who wanted to say to him "you are valuable, even though your fiance doesn't think you are". The women who were willing to say that to him also had their own baggage. Part of that baggage was their desire to get you out of his life. Getting you out of his life was their way of saying to Ted: "see, I told you that you are valuable to me". One of them was far more effective in convincing him than the rest. He wanted to be special, by being the only one. He found someone who wanted to give him that.

I'M NOT SAYING you actually felt or thought any of this. I AM SAYING this kind of stuff can easily happen with someone you are not compatible with.

Again, sexual attraction itself does not mean compatibility. Healthy relationships have issues to, but they are talked about so quickly and honestly that drama doesn't have a chance to happen. I think its time for you to step into your own private emotional space and ask yourself what you really want. Until your find your own true answers to that question, you will continue to draw people into your life who you are not compatible with. All of these people will generate drama. Craig is one of these people too. The problems you'll have with incompatible Craig will be different than the ones with Ted were, but the intensity will be the same. That's my way of saying you won't be happy with Craig in the long term either. Different person, same pattern - incompatibility.

So, get into your own calm, centered emotional space, and get to know yourself. Happiness starts right there.

Last edited by snowmelt; 07-30-2012 at 07:42 PM.
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