Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
Seems to me that your gf spends lots of time making her issues your issues--and you let her. It appears the most manipulation is coming from your gf. Is that something you're comfortable with on a long-term basis?
I think this is right on the money! These are her issues not your issues and she needs to deal with her own issues not put them on you. It is blatant manipulation. I have the same fear of abandonment and being replaced. Something I have to deal with everyday. But it is MY issue and I can not put it on my husband or my boyfriend. My husband and I did not start out to become poly, we started as swingers. That was easier because emotions were not involved. When we started seeing one person on a regular basis there was an issue with a woman my husband was seeing who was also seeing my now BF. We all talked independently. She was in love with my BF and expressly voiced the desire to rid his wife from his life and replace her. On more than one occasion. Though is less overt ways normally, but she was drunk one night can came right out and said it. This bothered the hell out of me. It wasn't a hard leap for me to see her trying to do it to me with my husband since she wasn't happy in her own marriage. And I knew she wanted me out of my BF's life also. I found her toxic in MY life and I no longer wanted anything to do with her due to her constant comments to me. I voiced my issues to my HB but didn't tell him he had to stop seeing her, I didn't want to see or talk to her anymore. He did continue talking to her for a week then started seeing her games and ended it.
My boyfriend still sees her. I don't think it is my place to tell him anything that happened between her and I. Those are MY issues. I don't have any right to come in and tell him he can't see anyone. Do I like that he sees her knowing how manipulative she is and she has said she wants me and his wife out of his life? No, not at all. Do I know she has told him she doesn't want him to see me? yes I do (not from him). But I trust his feeling for me. But if I tried to get him to stop seeing her because of this would that make me any better than her? I need to deal with my own issues not manipulate my boyfriend into doing what i want him to do with them.