Thread: Nervous
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Old 07-30-2012, 03:50 PM
Magdalena Magdalena is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 27
Default Nervous

Hi all, its been awhile since I posted here, like a year ago. At that time we were in what was a possible new relationship, but life happened and she moved on I still remain good friends with her, she is just awesome. Since that time we have been living mono, not by choice really, but just no one has come into the picture, until now. So here I am again

A quick back story, my husband met this new girl on Ok, she contacted him looking for a possible D/s sexual relationship and that was all. She was recently divorced and wasn't wanting more than finding what she called "subspace". After several emails and conversations, I was sensing red flags in the conversations and felt she wasn't being totally honest about wanting more, whether or not she was aware of them, it was pretty obvious to me. She was also unwilling at that time to agree to some of the terms we set out and that was a deal breaker before it even started, so I said no.

Hop forward several months....I happened to be on another forum and saw that she had a profile and told my husband, I told him if he wanted to he could contact her to see if maybe she had changed her mind about some of the terms. He did contact her and yes she said after a lot of thought she realized she could and would be willing to agree to our terms. We met and talked, it was very pleasant and went well. We went over very thouroughly the terms and all agreed. All went well until hubby and I had a HUGE fight (unrelated to her). I said we need to end any outside stuff until we get our shit together. So he cut it off with her (this being part of the agreement we all agreed to that if any threating or immediate trouble happened we would stop the 'ship') This was about 4 weeks into them meeting up which was only about 3xs. He told her that we had a serious situation and would have to put things on hold. Her response was fine to him, however upon returning home I found a rather rash email. Accusing me of getting on his phone and breaking up with her without him knowing, and how bad that was of me to be so deceitful. I was shocked and explained to her that is not the case, and reminded her that she understood this in the beginning. She then apologized to me for misunderstanding, but from that time forward our communication has been strained.

After about a month of hiatus, my husband and I agreed to pick things back up and return to 'normal'. She agreed to start seeing him again and after a couple of weeks I realized..hmmmm I think she has fallen for him, even though this is what she said she didn't want, what I was hearing was different. I realized going into this type of situation love could develop and it was defininatly a situation that I considered and would have to allow room for if it happened. Hop forward 2 more months to today.


After much, much discussion with my husband and him realizing that yeah she was falling for him, something needed to be done. He shouldnt continue this 'ship' if he felt nothing for her or never could, not fair to pull her along. Being that the nature of their relationship was mainly sexual, he hasnt had a lot of time just to spend with her to find out if he actually could feel for her that way, so we decided for him to start actually moving into a dating situation with her. He presented this idea to her last night, and after a long discussion she did admit to having feelings for him. She agreed but is nervous about it since she has never been in a poly situation before.

Now to me, I am SUPER nervous. I dont think she and I will ever be friends and that was the type of situation I was hopeing for someday, however I realize that I am not the one to dictate who he has feelings for. I also realize that the last situation we were in, I was not ready for and kinda screwed it up a bit. That relationship came out of thin air and kinda blindsided me, we really had only talked about being poly very little. I feel like now I am more grounded and ready to take on this new situation, however I am feeling a little weird about her.

I dont think she likes me and wants him for herself. She has never stated that but its a woman's intuition thing. I trust my husband with my life, but I am nervous about what love can do. I know it makes people crazy and I am nervous about all the nre stuff. BUT man am I really turned on at the same time! Is that normal or am I a super freak, lol. Any newbie advice is welcome, thank you in advance.
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