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Old 07-29-2012, 09:22 PM
coolkat8 coolkat8 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 11
Default Working thru it!

I am really happy to hear so many responses, it means a lot and gives me a lot to think about. I was so upset Friday I could barely function (other things are stressing me out too and I was just overwhelmed). We finally talked Friday night for over an hour and got things on the table. SparklePop- I appreciate your insight on someone who doesn't want to talk to their secondary everyday. I have more understanding now. It has been hard to wrap my head around why you wouldn't want to stay in contact but I might understand it more now. He apparently did send a text earlier in the week about plans for Friday but I had cleaned out my phone and must've accidently deleted his unread text (my fault, oops! he resent me the text he sent). He admitted that he needs to be alone and is still getting over his marriage ending (which was really bad but lasted for 17 years, yikes). We are ok now but he is bothered by the fact that when he is ready for a long term girlfriend that he won't be able to find someone who can accept that he loves me and we are in a relationship. So that is a difficult question but this person doesn't exist yet so we decided to stay together for now and see what happens. Someone asked if I was unsure he loved me, I'm sure he loves me but his love style may be different from mine I think. I told him I would limit my texting and would remind myself it may take him a day or two to respond. (this is VERY difficult for me but I need to adjust because he won't change with this). I also told him I need to know about plans ahead of time, at least the day before because I can't stand being in limbo, he agreed. He said he'd always call if he had to cancel. So the difficult part is I feel like I am waiting around so much to hear back from him when I do text, like he said he'd let me know if he could come see me yesterday because he had been sick. Well I heard nothing from him by the afternoon and my husband was getting pissed because he wanted to make plans, it wasn't fair to make him wait around either. Finally I just texted him and said "guess you are still sick, we are making other plans". I was sad I couldn't see him but I went to a meetup group and actually had a great time. Even got some flirt time in with another guy which made me feel good and was very fun! I do realize I could find someone else and right now I'm on the fence about what to do. I tend to agree with Dragonflysky "For me daily contact isn't about insecurity. It's about the fact that when something/someone brings me pleasure...why wouldn't I want a regular dose of it/him in my life?? For me a large part of the joy in being in a relationship is having someone to share my life with...to talk with on a regular basis...share time with... "
If I want to stay with him I will have to think of him more as a tertiary person since he doesn't want as much involvement. Still trying to get used to this and process this.
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