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Old 07-29-2012, 07:58 PM
snowmelt snowmelt is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 172

Hi sparklepop,

To summarize what I think I read:

Your gf is your priority, so you generally back away from your other love interests when she wants you too. That has sometimes been painful for you. Your gf doesn't like to talk about her pain and fears very much, she just likes to react to them by complaining to you about what you're doing with the other people you're interested in. Your stuck in this "I want her, so I can't do these things with others" type of situation.


Your gf is your priority. Get closer to her by putting more effort into talking about her fears of abandonment, etc. Don't do it as part of asking permission to do something with someone else. Do when the conversation is about just the two of you, because you want to. Have the kind of conversations, over time, that help both of you understand her fears much more than both of you do now. Over time, see what she does with this kind of support from you. Does she run with it and start to relax and enjoy the relationship the two of you have even more? If so, that new enjoyment might just carry with it more permission for you to do with others more of what you want to.

....or does she resist your efforts to by refusing to talk, etc. If so, you have learned something you didn't know before - that she doesn't want to resolve her fears. That means the conditions she places on your freedom to be with others is here to stay as long as she is your gf. That will make it easier for you to decide FOR YOURSELF if you want to stay with her or not.

Last edited by snowmelt; 07-29-2012 at 09:51 PM.
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