Originally Posted by WhatHappened
With all due respect, I think that's really unfair. If someone makes a lifetime commitment to mutual fidelity and then years later gets told, "Hey, I want a boyfriend," this is a pretty MAJOR change in the terms of agreement and something almost no one would expect and most wouldn't want. I hardly think changing the most fundamental terms can be dismissed as such a little thing that they're 'using it as an excuse.'
It appears to be an excuse.
She hasn't gotten a boyfriend, she simply spoke to her desire to be involved with other people. Mentioning such a desire does *not* warrant breaking up immediately for any reasonable person. Can you say "gross overreaction"?
If he's so committed to the marriage, why would he toss it all aside simply because she said she'd like to change things? It certainly does appear that he's using what she said as an excuse to cover some disaffection on his part. He did say he'd been unhappy for a while---there ya go.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.