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Old 07-28-2012, 06:40 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Merlyn View Post
So. How the heck do I even bring this up? . . . I dont want to deceive her but I also dont want her to think I am some sort of weirdo.

It seems like a perfect situation I just dont want to ruin it.
"Ruin it" - oh, jeez. Do you hear how that sounds? Like a two-year old holding onto a toy he doesn't want to have taken away from him. Just put your big boy pants on and tell her the truth. <<Sigh>>

I am someone who doesn't think that the conversation about poly or non-exclusivity always necessarily has to happen before any involvement at all, but as soon as I get an inkling that there is interest in continuing, I would never let it drag on past three days/dates with someone without letting them know up front. The easiest time to tell someone is always when a relationship is new, before deeper feelings develop.

If things have reached a point where you are referring to her as a partner, I'd say the time to tell her was yesterday! Hello.

There's always a risk she won't stick around, for any number of reasons, but do you want it to be because you hid something important from her? And if you lose her, you lose her, that's life. You're infatuated, but you will survive. Living honestly is always the better option, even if we must lose an opportunity we think is ideal to do so. So... time to get over your trepidations and do the grown-up responsible thing. Be honest.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 07-28-2012 at 06:46 PM.
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