Do you ever just want to kick yourself? Ugh, that’s how I felt today. I had it – really had it by about noon today. I was thinking – I’m done, I’m done, done, done, done, DONE! This girl has me in knots. She’s so anxious that apparently, she can’t even follow basic etiquette – e.g. If you give someone a compliment, say thank you – if someone is having a bad day, tell them you hope they feel better – you know, the basics. But I just don’t even get responses. I feel like I’ve turned my life upside down to try and accommodate her anxieties and needs – and basically, I’ve gotten nothing, not even an acknowledgement in return.
Now, if I’m totally objective (haha, right, what I mean is – if I’m as objective as I am capable)
then I have to admit that she didn’t exactly ask for these changes. She would have slithered away and just written off this relationship before it even started. But Piper liked her and so I tried, I rallied, I made changes. To his credit, HE has said thank you – which I suppose is why I’ve actually done it. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t expect something from her too. But maybe that is unfair? Maybe I’m expecting too much – I mean she didn’t ask for any of this. So bad on me….and hence my thinking around noon – forget it, I’m done. I’m done trying to accommodate, support, make changes. And then…..
…well, and then I got an email from her saying….thank you. <sigh!> And hook, line, and sinker, I got excited. (stupid, stupid, stupid….imagine me smacking my forehead) Yes, yes, I responded and gave in and got all happy. But here I am, again, having been told all week that she wanted to skype (we’re in different states right now)…but nothing. Not even a cancellation – just nothing. So Piper is home with her now and says he’ll make it happen tonight – I waited until 9:30pm…heard nothing allllllllll day….and got really angry over text. I’m just so dang tired of feeling on edge waiting to see if this time will be different. EVERY time her and her sister have said they would meet me over the last year and a half, they have bailed and so I still haven’t met either one. (And I mean, get all dressed up, set up drinks, say they are on their way…and then they just don’t show…it’s very odd, if you ask me)
Were it just me, I’d have been done with Colada a long time ago – because I don’t like drama, I don’t play games, and I don’t put out this much energy for people who don’t return it. But for Piper’s sake, I keep trying…over and over and over again…but it hurts and it’s stressful…and I’m tired….
Rule #11 – Try to set realistic expectations for your SOs. It’s better to underestimate and over deliver than to set expectations high and deal with disappointment.
Task #11 – Try to curb your anger in the moment. It will probably subside some and you will think more clearly after letting time pass. (boy is this an obvious one! Haha – well, I need the reminder) :P
PS – Sneacail & Phy – just one clarification – “they” do not interact with the kids – that, I would not allow. Piper takes care of Pea if she wakes up in the middle of the night but Colada has had absolutely no interaction with the children. I do not budge where they are concerned. Per your other comments – I’m guessing my comments from today are inching toward your points. I should probably take more heed though. One other point I do need to make – I really do trust that Piper will not push me out…I may push myself out…but he won’t. I may not show it all here but he shows his dedication in many ways – including, but not limited to the fact that he is heavily involved with and dedicated to the children and family matters. Also, we have been in a semi-similar situation before (a GF demanded he leave me and marry her) – he didn’t even bat an eye and she was gone. After that, per my request, it was just the two of us for 3 years. I have faith in him…she, however, is another matter. What I’m trying to determine is if that’s because she is so lacking in experience and maturity (in other words, she needs time and education) or because this is going to be an ongoing issue that she never gets past.