I think I'm finding the whole baby/Shasti thing threatening because I don't think they have a clue how emotional this is going to be. That they'll be in this little cocoon of love and wonder that won't have a place for me.
Everything in my life from the reason I got a divorce, to why I moved 200 miles away from my family, to why I am with Twitch (original reasons), has to do with being a parent and having to look out for them and provide them stability and a future. In my world, that's been the most motivating factor to every major decision I've made for the past 27 years.
So, now I am feeling threatened and insecure about my place for the long run with Twitch. I don't want to be the one shut out of this wonder that is about to take place, but how can I be part of it? There is no role for me to fit into that. And I really don't have a right to intrude into Shasti's world. This is her time, her baby. Twitch may never get to be as involved as I am worrying about. Their relationship may never reach that richness that would elevate him to such a status within her family unit.
My fears cause me to flirt with the idea of asking him to walk away from the whole situation, but I can't do that to him, to us, to Shasti. They have found in each other someone that they like and enjoy spending time with. That isn't such an easy thing to find. I don't even want to ask that of him really. It's just my insecurity speaking.
I am going to have to fall back on his word and give him the benefit of the doubt. I need to trust in his love for me. On my end I'm going to make sure to keep our connection strong, so that our relationship isn't weakened. Attentive and engaged will be my new mantra.