Children and Poly - it is healthy?
I started discussing the issue of children in poly relationships with my GF last night and it got us thinking.
There is a personal slant to this question, plus a general one.
I currently live in the UK and my GF and her husband live in the US. I live there for half the year, until I can move permanently. They have a three year old daughter (I'll call her Baby).
When I live with them in the US, I have my own room and my GF divides her time between her husband's bed and my bed. Secondaries are not in the picture, when it comes to Baby, so that's a non-issue.
Baby is aware (for a three year old) of our poly V and currently seems very happy with the situation. Baby and I are like best friends; she never leaves me alone and has never displayed any upset or confusion.
When she draws a house, she draws the four of us outside. When I'm away, she talks going to my house "at the airport" to see me, almost every day. It's clear that in her mind, we are a family. It's wonderful to see how accepting children are... but we are a bit worried.
First problem - my GF's family are completely against it. Her husband's family do not even know. My GF's mother (I'll call her Granny) has Baby every two weekends, for two or three nights.
Baby loves Granny very much and this is one of the only reasons my GF stays in contact with her mother. Granny's relationship with me is frosty, despite my efforts - she will not look at me, speak to me, acknowledge my presence, or my existence when I am not present.
My question is really two fold...
We are worried about how Granny may effect our daughter as she grows up. She's beyond disapproving when she speaks to my GF. We have thought about cutting contact with her, but we do not want take away that special relationship between Granny and Baby. To be honest, it also really helps us out to have Granny look after her every two weekends.
Secondly... she's just started pre-school and my GF calls me their au pair. We are concerned about what teachers should or shouldn't know... what we should tell Baby as she's growing up, since she will tell friends and friends will tell their parents... etc. I know that children can be bullied for anything... but we want to make sure we are being responsible.
How does it work for you? Are there any problems that we should expect in the future, any stumbling blocks you feel are worth pointing out? Basically, we'd just love to hear your experiences and thoughts, if you have any.
me: female, 29
GF: my primary girlfriend, 39
3 year, open poly V, long distance