Thread: Lost and lonely
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Old 07-27-2012, 07:39 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Hi Raging B,

That's awesome that you're checking into a couple's counselor.

Did the beginning of his drug use coincide with any kind of mid-life crisis he may have been having?

Re (from RagingBibliophile, Post #8):
"That's why I've come here, because whenever I ask questions, he gives me the run around, or spouts out this ... pseudo spiritual stuff that leaves me opened mouth."
In case you haven't tried this, let me advise asking him clear, direct, inescapable questions. And if he still starts answering philosophically, call him on it and say, "You're evading the direct question. Just answer me on the terms that I asked."

He seems to be coming from a place that, "Poly is good," and fixated on that idea, rather than acknowledging, "Poly isn't good for everyone," and thus he is evading the questions. Attempt a little "verbal judo," and see if you can't get him, well, cornered in a place where he has to answer you plainly and directly, rather than float off on some philosophical rant.

What you really need to do is figure out what you and he can both live with. If there is no intersection between those two sets, then you are left with some hard decisions to make.

I sympathize with you. You are in a tough spot.

Re (from RagingBibliophile, Post #25):
"He is very largely into the rave community, with free love, which encompasses the drugs and freedom and pseudo-spirituality and poly-relations of a sort. And that is why I'm on this site, to find out the differences and the similarities."
Ah, the dream of all humanity being ready to share romantic love as freely as friendly love. Who knows what but we, as a species, may arrive there someday. But we're not there yet.

Somewhere, you need a middle ground between what you are offering as specifics, and what he is offering as generalities.

I encourage you to find a mutually benificial compromise if you can.

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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