Originally Posted by SNeacail
This had to do with CHEATING, and I call BULL SHIT, just as I did with my husband. He didn't lie to "protect you" he lied to save himself from looking like an ass and having to deal with the consequences of his stupidity. he lied to protect himself. Trying to make poly work after or because of an affair is 100 times harder and comes with shitloads of baggage and mistrust.
The10thDoctor sounds more like he wants to make a long time life change with his wife at his side, and has no intention of doing anything to jeopardize their relationship. It is NOT manipulative to have theoretical discussions and open up debates on a subject and then slowly approach re-arranging you life to fit your needs. However just dropping the bomb on your partner that you NEED to live a life that goes against everything she signed up for when she took her marriage vows, is just cruel.
EXACTLY. thank you. Thats why I said, just be honest with her and go from there and build it according to your dual needs. Because now everything is soured for me because of how he went about it.
Also, honey, I knew it was bullshit, hence the quote marks.
That is what this person needs to NOT do.
Your wife is your partner, and when you still love her and want her with you, you take the time to work out compromises.