View Single Post
  #5  
Old 07-27-2012, 05:44 PM
Mya's Avatar
Mya Mya is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 610
Default

The friend nycindie mentioned and her guy sound a lot like me and Bob. Well I sound just like the friend, but Bob is not that extreme because he does talk, but anyway there are big differences in our communication methods/preferences and we have quite a lot of misunderstandings. And that's one of the reasons we'll probably never be anything more than FWB's. Being even that is hard at times.

I think compatibility is very very important in relationships. Sometimes we can get caught up in the feeling of infatuation/love and forget all the incompatibility issues while in NRE, but the issues will come back to haunt the relationship when the NRE phase is over. I've always thought that love is definitely not all you need for a good relationship. Compatibility is just as important. As to when do you know if you're compatible or not.. I think I usually can't tell that right away. It takes getting to know the person quite thoroughly before I can come to any conclusion about that. Or actually I'd say incompatibility can be quite obvious right from the start but compatibility will take some examining.

Compatibility is not a feeling for me, it's not intuition or chemistry, it's the rational conclusion I make based on everything I've learned from the other person and the things I know about myself. We need to have enough similar values, interests, personality traits etc. to be able to make a relationship work.

Me and rory are quite similar in many ways. Obviously we have our differences but they are not as relevant as the things we have in common. For example I'm more social than her which is ok, we have no problem with this difference. We're similar in that we both love endless conversations and analyzing things, which is hugely important. So I guess thinking about how similar/compatible you need to be in order to have a relationship, it all depends what things are important to you in life. I have no problem with having a partner that doesn't want to go out as much as I do, because I have friends who I can do that with, but I would have a problem with having a partner that wouldn't want to talk to me about feelings or who would hate analyzing, because that's what I like to do with partners.

Me and JJ are also compatible but still we're having a hard time at the moment. He has the things I want and need from a partner and my rational side says he is a good partner. So I guess sometimes even love and compatibility aren't enough..
__________________
Me: bi woman in my 30's
My partner: Marco
My metamour: Paige

Blog
Reply With Quote