Signs of progress!
So, I'm not sure if anyone recalls since I'm so new, but I went through the apparently pretty typical poly journey of cheating partner/discovery/hellacious fighting/honest discussion/newly opened relationship.
Since then, with my husband's encouragement, I've been slowly looking for a partner of my own. No lovers yet, but some lovely friendships are developing, which is very beneficial. My husband has a girlfriend he's been seeing roughly once a week, for the past 3 months or so.
The whole cheating thing was really pretty recent so I had some rough times and emotional jitters with his GF. Only a one month gap from cheating to seeing her, which felt awfully quick. She's been pretty easy, though - mature, well behaved, friendly (though I can tell she feels a bit awkward). She has all the positive qualities his mistress lacked.
In the middle of all of this, I was lucky enough to land a great new job about 600 miles away, and we're moving next week. Yesterday was his last meeting with GF, other than infrequent LDR visits, not even on the horizon yet. She was understandably sad, but thinks it's a great opportunity and knows we have to jump on it.
And after all my stress and tweaks, when I woke up this morning, I found myself thinking "I'm really sorry GF is sad about the move". Not even a little jot of "good riddance" or "thank god THAT'S over". Just some empathy for her. I even talked to hubby (oh hell, let's call him Finch), about the things I liked about GF and why it was working so well for me, things I want to carry over into Finch's next relationship.
I know this is so hard for so many of us, especially we who started as mono partners without a clue. I was just really happy that I was able to come this far. And Finch is proud of me for my efforts, and trying so hard to make him happy, and in turn is willing to go even farther to make ME happy, and has opened up a LOT in communicating with me.
Next I'm working on the idea that GF can come visit us, and since it's so far she can be a houseguest and they'll have time together while I work (different schedules for me and Finch). I'm not quite comfy with it yet, but it's only been 24 hours, and I haven't melted into a puddle of tears and snot, so it's a good start!
I know there will still be tough times, possibly lots of them. But I'm starting to feel like this really can work.