Originally Posted by The10thDoctor
I consider myself Poly in theory but not in practice(ha ha). It has already helped my current relationship. It has already saved me from feeling ashamed.
This is me. I grew up with a very strict religious background and therefore I tended to withdraw from people because I wasn't "supposed" to let myself get that close to anyone besides my husband... I was very lonely for a loooong time. Now I find myself with a large group of GOOD friends, many of whom are poly. While I have no desire to have sex with any of these friends (hugs and cuddles okay
), I'm no longer afraid to admit that I love and adore them, which was a big step for me.
I realize that true polyamory will most likely never be a fact for me. I seriously doubt she will ever really come around to a poly way of thinking. But thatís why I am here. I hope I can get some advice or some suggestions that will help my odds of success.
This too is me. I have to keep reminding myself, I didn't change my way of thinking overnight, neither will anyone else. I spent over 5 years, even before learning about poly, trying to reject everything I'd grown up being taught and somewhat starting from scratch. Re-evaluating my religious beliefs, my politics, etc. I am so different from the person I was 10 years ago, it scares even me sometimes (in a good way). Change happens slowly and usually with a lot of resistance. Spend time in theoretical discussions with your wife, especially if your way of thinking has changed. I know my views have changed so dramatically, that I have to make a conscious effort to discuss things with my husband otherwise, he assumes I have the same beliefs and views that I did 20 years ago.
I'm kinda have a 5 year goal that starts with strengthening my marriage (which has seen some really dark times recently). I already know my husband is poly, even if he is in complete denial
. He thinks things should be a certain way (he too has a very religious background) and has a habit of convincing himself they are, even if the facts in front of his face say otherwise.