Originally Posted by RagingBibliophile
I love my husband, despite the stuff that he has pulled.
To quote Tina Turner, "What's love got to do with it?" She loved Ike and he beat the shit out of her.
I have learned the hard way that love is simply not enough to sustain a happy relationship. Repeat this to yourself several times a day: "Love is not enough!"
The cold hard fact is that there needs to be mutual RESPECT, CARING, HONORING ONE'S WORD, HONEST COMMUNICATION, and LOVING BEHAVIOR to sustain a relationship and have it thrive and succeed. And by succeed, I mean bring all parties satisfaction, fulfillment, and a sense of being "home."
If those aspects are missing, then you have a choice to make.
If your partner feels that sticking his dick in other people is more important than giving you the RESPECT, CARING, HONOR, HONEST COMMUNICATION, and LOVING BEHAVIOR you deserve as his steadfast partner, to whom he made a commitment, then you have a choice to make.
If you consent to poly, then you need to make sure in no uncertain terms that he acts and treats you with RESPECT, CARING, and HONOR, and makes a 100% effort to HONEST COMMUNICATION and LOVING BEHAVIOR or out the door he goes. Or out the door you go (with your head held high).
There are worse things that can happen than splitting up. And I say that as someone who thought my divorce was literally reason enough not to exist anymore. Devastating, totally. But one can get through it and there are worse things. One of those worse things would be staying and tolerating disrespectful treatment.
If he has no interest in being a grown-up and getting real, why the hell stick around? Remember the mantra: Love is not enough! Love is not enough! No matter how much you love someone, you are nobody's doormat.