Well, I'm glad to hear it was well received. I always worry the first time I spit it out in Plain English to a new person.
You don't sound like a "run away-er" type. So yeah, glad to help support you if you can take it. First answer though to YOU -- "Am I too abused in this to even bother any more? Too sick and tired of it all?" Take it to paper at speakoutloud.
See what flags there. Consider the cycle of abuse.
Take a REAL assessment of this rship because some things are too damn broken to bother to try to fix. Some of your stuff red flags so bad I wonder if you are actually safe there. If you are not safe, please hang tight, get yourself together at your own speed and seek out the OTHER kinds of resources you need to leave a bad rship safely. The leaving time is the hardest time.
If you still want in and I'm misreading abuse red flags... (I pray I am, NOBODY deserves abuse)... Work it then. Demand better treatment or walk away head held high.
Read things like "Ethical Slut" book or http://www.morethantwo.com/
and similar. Get educated on real poly, swinging, and other ethical nonmonogamies before attempting it. You have to KNOW what you are after before trying to get it.
But read the rest of whatever you guys need-- on communication skills, conflict management
, amicable divorce, self esteem work etc. ALL the cards that might come into play, so you can see what's in the deck before you start the chess game and figure out who/what you are to each other NOW.
Where do we come from? What we? Where are we going? Then the HOW TO GET THERE.
Check ongoing adult classes for married couples at your county extension. Communicate is communicate.
Who cares if in the polyship of 1 or closed marriage 2? Or a splitting couple in divorce transition? The communication skills are all the same
regardless of relationship framework!
And all win if all can improve themselves on that front -- the communication side. Whatever new thing comes next. If not him, then just improve YOU then, and meet your next rship from a better headspace!