He's not the only one who needs to grow. I'm still trying myself. I don't think anyone is ever done "growing up." What I'm so frustrated by, is the way he changed and how swiftly. These issues have come on in the last two years. Before that, there was no hint of this.
Two years ago, though, he started experimenting in the usage of lsd, and when I asked around some acquaintances who are familiar with the drug, they said that it can alter you. Now, I'm not saying "Drugs did it!" because thats far from the truth, but I think it had an influence. Anyways, my point is, I'm frustrated because it seems like this all has come out of left field. I'm not so "desperately attracted" to him that I don't see his flaws. I love him very deeply, and I have kids with him.
I try to make the best decision for the family as a whole, because to me, that is what is most important. It's hurtful to think about the fact that he put himself first for a very long time when he claimed that family was the most important factor as well. I try not to bring unnecessary drama into play, and it's hard. I do want to scream to the world that I don't seem to matter to the person I want to matter to the most.
I love my husband, despite the stuff that he has pulled. I can't predict what will happen next, maybe I will have to strike out on my own, which is a very scary thought indeed. I... think I put in pertinent information, but I can't seem to wake up, so it could just be incoherent babbling...