The more I read your words, the more I see a frustrated woman trying to convince her immature husband to grow up. No one comes into this world mature and self aware. It takes time to get there. He's going to grow up at his own pace and for his own reasons. The real question for you is do you want to be in a relationship with him while he's deciding if, when, how and why he wants to grow up? The world is full of people to connect with. Peace and balance is a good thing to carry around on the inside. There are people out there who know that because they have that inside.
If you are "desperately" attracted to him, even with his dramas, then I would say the only real question you need to ask is why that is, and the only person who has that answer is you. I know it's very frustrating to be in your situation. He is going to grow up for his own reasons. The reason you want him to grow up right now is so he can make the relationship a happy place for you to be. Its a very rare thing for things to work that way. Asking him to grow up for that reason is your way of asking him to do your emotional work for you. Keep in mind also, that if you are "desperately attracted to him", that desperation is your drama. You bring that drama into the relationship. It will get in the way of the "happy place" your trying to create with him. It's much easier, more realistic, and much more healthy to take your attention off trying to get to that happy place with him. Put your attention on creating it for yourself, in your own life. If he wants to come along and be a part of it, drama free (honesty), he can. If not, you're creating it for yourself anyway, because that is where you want to be.
I know its a lot to absorb. It's important for you to understand this stuff. It's good raw material to use to make intelligent decisions.
Last edited by snowmelt; 07-27-2012 at 12:19 PM.