I have to agree.
I consider monogamous marriage a closed polyship of 2!
The rules still all apply --
- honest communication being vital.
- everyone holding up rights and responsibilites they agreed to in their polyship framework
- Being honest with ONESELF first, then the partner
I always marvel people want to jump into polyships of greater number, and deal in greater polymath and polysaturation points when they haven't even mastered the polyship of 1.
You relationship to YOURSELF. If you cannot be honest to yourself how can you ever get to NAME you wants, needs, and limits in a real way? Articulate, bullet list and package up into "sharable" mode instead of fuzzy murky?
Much less share them CLEARLY with another partner?
Much less share them with MORE than one?
From what you said, your husband doesn't want to tell you the truth. Until he decides he wants to be honest with you about who he is and what he really wants, adding more people won't bring you closer. It'll tear you apart. The best thing both of you can do right now is focus on why he wants to give you the run around.
Eh, I know that answer. He wants to do the run around because there's something there he does not want to articulate, air out, and OWN.
I rather have an honest person telling me "I want to be selfish" from the get go. Hell, I may even choose to play there if I'm in a selfish mode too and I'm seeking a FWB thing with no strings because I want to process on my own but still have a warm body to play with. Sometimes we need what we need. But I want it honest, not nambypamby.
That just drives me up the freakin' WALL. I can't hope to get what I want, if you are selling false wares. I can't hope to give you what you
want, if you won't tell me what it freakin' IS.
Play ball RIGHT, or just don't play with me at ALL. Don't waste my time. I can respect you still even if the dance cards don't line up. But UGH. Ethics, please!