Ugh. That sounds messy.
Though we are closed now, DH and I are HARD LIMIT firm
on genetic monogamy and barrier sex. (Ex: condoms, dams, etc)
We still hang on tight to "DO NOT LIE. Hard truth it to me. I can take it!"
And in all these years that served us well.
We were having troubles and he basically just gave up and looked for an equally miserable person to lean on.
- Things may be hard to speak. So fucking SHOUT IT out if even in a whisper.
- Things maybe be hard to hear. So fucking LISTEN LIKE A MOFO even amid internal hurricane emotional weather!
More like "avoid with" -- because he's been avoiding some rship work with you long before the affair it sounds like.
WHY having troubles in the rship? Adding NEW person to the mix just amps up the polymath and that's no help at ALL.
If it was from lack of people articulating wants, needs, and limits so everyone could have right to clear communication?
I smell emotional weenie-ness afoot that needs repairs. Is he very emotional work shirky? That's what I'm whiffing.
I apologize if I sound terse or brusque but "emotional weenie-ness" is a personal peeve
that pushes ALL my buttons. NO rship can hope survive on weenie. EVER. Communication is just too needed and critical a vehicle . It's the basic back and forth shuttle of the RELATE in RELATIONSHIP.
He lied (later saying it was for my own protection, since he didn't want to hurt me)
Nope. He did not want to own his weenie in articulating his wants, needs, and limits to you.
Then he wanted to not feel/own the yucky in his lie of omission. So had to make peace with himsefl in his mind so changed his dishonesty to noble "protection" of you.
He's not owning what he fears. What's he fear? And will he try to hand you that baggage of his to hold for him?
and saw her for a year, enough to get her pregnant. (She terminated, and I don't know if it makes me a bad person to not feel horrified about it.)
I don't care. Her body is her body and her domain.
I'd just be furious if my partner put MY body in danger without my knowledge. He was obviously going bareback -- could have given me cooties! THIS is how he protects wife? GRRR!
AND this is how he protects his OWN health and well being? He could catch something and leave me a widow? How's THAT protecting wife? GRRR!
I'll be posting a blog to write more in depth, and maybe have some help in sorting out my feelings. It's been a very rough time for me. I appreciate any help that you guys are willing to give me, and any experiences you guys are willing to share.
Again, welcome and again sorry it isn't under better terms.
But however this rship destiny unfolds, I hope YOU get to the place you need to be at to feel better than this in your own destiny.