I was the hinge in a MFM then. I am the wife of a FM duo right now.
At the time we were all singles coming together. So it was like a level playing field.
I had my basic polygirl gamebook,
the monoboys signed on. It was more or less like this one today, but not as neat and bullet listy. One big thing on it and is still was JUST SPEAK UP. Do not lie to me.
Articulation of wants, needs, and limits is the nut/bolt basics of clear communication and if you cannot
hack that if you revert to lies, just don't bother to play with me.
I gave them access to each other (names, contact) and left it alone. They could be whatever. There was some jealousy afoot but I wasn't going to get excited about it. It was not my bag.
As a partner I could help unpack baggage, help sort, give suggestions for what doesn't fit any more and should be thrown out, but... in the end?
Everyone holding their own bag! Don't dump YOUR baggage on me. If even you
don't want it -- toss it. Do not overload ME with trash. That is fresh.
They chose to take their tier just to the respectful acquaintance meta place and that was fine with me. It's their tier to drive on the polyship. Not mine.
For the women out there, in your perfect ideal world, would you want the guys to also have a relationship with each other, or date you separately?
I do not have an ideal. I am content to see what Life brings me.
In the MFM of yesterday?
They dated me separately. If they could have been friends, I would have been happy for them and compersive. But that was a relationship they owned and made choices about in its developing. That's not my tier in that polyship's polymath. I certainly would have welcome that. Adds to the kooshy. But I do not EXPECT that.
I know there are many factors at play, such as the orientation of the guys etc, but taking all other considerations out of it, how would you prefer it?
I do not care. I love who I love. If I love two guys, I love their orientation. It is part of them.
In my case, It was two strayt guys. (ID as heterosexual but not close minded or huffystuffy WEIRD). I can't be with people who can't love my friends -- and I do have all kinds of rainbow friends.
I myself ID as bi. For a short time a poly BI guy was on my horizon and I deliberately friend zoned him in my head. I was having a hard time with time management and even though I was attracted, and I think he was too, we had to be content to keep it at friend level and enjoyed each other as friends but the crushie thing was never spoken out loud.
I simply have a low polysaturation point and my V was PLENTY for me on that tier. Changing it to... something else.... yergh. Maybe the right person, but so not the Right Time.
would your preference be different if it was just a one night hookup with two guys?
I do not swing. Does not apply.
It is an interesting question to me, because it seems that in the mainstream world, two women together, in a threesome context or otherwise, are "hot" and two guys interacting sexually in any way is gross. Not sure why this double standard exists, but i believe it is because if women are turned on by two men interacting sexually, either in a threesome or just performing for her enjoyment, it seems as though they are objectifying those men like pieces of meat. I believe most of society, including alot of women, is conditioned to be uncomfortable with that. thoughts?
Not my tier.
My then BF/now DH identifies at strayt but could possible go with "situational bi" IF the other person is a good friend. He just can't cope with stranger hook ups and neither can I. So yay for me!
My then OSO identified as strayt but his back door was exit only, so not EVEN situational bi. Ever. Buddies with a meta, max.
They were not friends though -- they were meta acquaintances with a lot of respect. Which was MY minimum in order for the "V" to fly well. And they held that up -- neither one got all wacko over anything.
Sooo.... HAD they chosen to develop a friendship?
HAD my OSO been wired like DH -- situational bi in the right circumstances with a friend?
Well, my birthdays would have been very interesting indeed! Because then "special occassions only" could have been mine to ethically ask for as a want but not a need.
And of course theirs to grant if they felt like going there. It's their thing to own -- I could be told NO.
Whether a threesome or allowing me a voyeur act -- no matter. It's all eye candy.
What turns me on is the bucket stir -- so in THIS situation, what buckets of mine got stirred? Mind? Body? Heart? Soul? WHY?
To me? That's the hawt.
But I can access the same hawt (if not to the same volume) in the eye of my imagination, so it's not like I'm missing anything if the V arms don't want to go there in RL.