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Old 07-26-2012, 05:56 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
This is where I'm constantly seeking what is the right balance.

There are times when he and I are getting together up to 4 days a week.

And I realized he's already revolving his schedule with me around my time with my kids...which revolves around my xh's work schedule.

I don't know if it's making excuses, but having moved straight from a dysfunctional family where everything was topsy-turvy gaslighting mood of the moment and one-way-streets, into a marriage with someone who lied, cheated, gaslighted, told me I was crazy, and also pulled lots of blame-game and one-way-street stuff...well, I feel I never really learned what's normal give and take and compromise and sometimes feel off balance unsure what's normal and what isn't.

ETA: he and I did talk about this and resolve it, and I think we both were a little at fault. I suspect it was a matter of wording--maybe he did or didn't word it as he thinks, maybe I did or didn't hear the exact wording I thought, but we both brought our own interpretations of words to however it was phrased. It was easily resolved and I think he and I have both learned a little from it.
GREAT observations of yourself.
The red part-very very important details to understand about onesself AND its even harder to identify "normal" in a relationship dynamic that is self-proclaimed and understood to NOT be the norm.

You're eta is great too! It's good that you both recognize the need to communicate and that you see where you both went wrong (it's almost always partly both) and that you could resolve it so easily!

Keep talking to one another and you will learn what the "healthy normal" is for you.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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