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Old 07-26-2012, 05:45 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891

Originally Posted by GreenMom View Post
I agree with Annabel that it's pretty crappy, but it's pretty much how things go for me as well. Plans with me have always come a distant second, and will always take a distant second too. I've come to accept that, even though it pisses me off sometimes, and I just don't hold my calendar open anymore. If things don't get arranged til the last minute and I'll already busy, oh well.
This is where I'm constantly seeking what is the right balance. I don't feel as a rule that I get relegated to distant second. Now, his wife is quite involved with her boyfriend, and at first I wondered if I was sort of a convenience thing to them--hey, look, now BF has something to do while I'm out!. But I gradually noticed that we often don't go to his apartment because his wife is staying home that evening.

There are times when he and I are getting together up to 4 days a week.

And I realized he's already revolving his schedule with me around my time with my kids...which revolves around my xh's work schedule.

I don't know if it's making excuses, but having moved straight from a dysfunctional family where everything was topsy-turvy gaslighting mood of the moment and one-way-streets, into a marriage with someone who lied, cheated, gaslighted, told me I was crazy, and also pulled lots of blame-game and one-way-street stuff...well, I feel I never really learned what's normal give and take and compromise and sometimes feel off balance unsure what's normal and what isn't.

ETA: he and I did talk about this and resolve it, and I think we both were a little at fault. I suspect it was a matter of wording--maybe he did or didn't word it as he thinks, maybe I did or didn't hear the exact wording I thought, but we both brought our own interpretations of words to however it was phrased. It was easily resolved and I think he and I have both learned a little from it.
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