Originally Posted by coolkat8
Greetings all! I'm new here and been poly for about two years. I've learned it takes a while to really learn the best way to balance having two relationships and you really need to be flexible. My question is I've started seeing someone about a month ago. We have a long history, we were together for a few months a couple years ago but it ended because he was not being honest with his wife about us. He now is separated and finally we can be together without any secrets. We are great when we are together, he makes me so happy. The problem is he is not good about keeping in touch in between our meet up times. This is very difficult for me to understand! I am someone who likes to text or email daily, just check in say "I'm thinking about you" or let them know how my day is. He does not do this. I'll text him and maybe get a text 6 hours later or even the next day. This week was particularly bad, he didn't respond to me for 3 days which kind of hurt my feelings. I just don't get it. He always has an excuse, "I'm busy" "I'm sick" but even when I'm both of those keeping in touch is a break for me and it honestly doesn't take that long to send a sentence in a text! Its frustrating to make plans, like we are supposed to get together tomorrow but he still hasn't responded about when we are meeting and where. I like to plan ahead and this is so hard for me to be patient! My question is how often does everyone keep in touch with their secondarys? (I know there is some discussion about using that term but I'm not sure what other term to use!) Am I asking to much to keep in touch daily or even every other day?? I sometimes feel like I have no right to make demands because I am married and he and I can never be more than what we are now. I also get a lot of anxiety when I don't hear from him for days and worry "what if he is losing interest" "what if he found someone else" and my imagination gets the best of me. I appreciate any thoughts!
Have you tried telling him how you feel? Something like, "I want to keep in touch more frequently without sounding needy or clingy. What works best for you?"
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith
Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old