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Old 07-26-2012, 05:28 AM
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FannyHackabout FannyHackabout is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6

@ AnnabelMore thank you for replying.

For me the concept of poly "family" hadn't even come up until recently. I had relationships with my partners, and they were also together, but I had yet to experience an overall sense of unity and love for them until this year. Once I did, though, I knew that it was what I had wanted all along.

I was the last one on board for her moving here only because of the fact that I wasn't sure how such a change would effect my emotional health, and I really couldn't "test" it beforehand. Besides, she would be living with Agnes and Mika, not me (I live separately most of the week).

It wasn't the first time things moved fast. We all met Mika individually but at different times on the same website. None of us were even looking to date, but he met Agnes and then me. Incidentally we lived in the same city, so he ended up moving here to be with Agnes and then later on got together with me, too. Things were quick with us, but with effort it worked. It just seemed the same with Margo.

Margo doesn't really do this with anyone except me. She will sometimes avoid Mika, but usually she will actually fight with Mika and Agnes when they have problems. I have a lot of trouble with the withdrawal, but I would struggle with her fighting with me, too, since she doesn't really know how to do it constructively.

Honestly, she just has a lot of issues with relationships in general, and she has never been in a poly relationship before, so I am sure that compounds them even more. It wouldn't surprise me if she needed space simply because she could not handle things with three people at once, although that still leaves me with a lot of questions. In that respect I do feel a lot of compassion for her, because I struggled with similar things when I was first in this relationship and was not prepared for it. Agnes privately told me she is considering therapy, and I really hope she decides to go. Therapy is what really got things to work for Agnes and I.

I said it wasn't healthy to be friends right now because I still feel upset about things and I don't want to hurt her by fostering this much anger and still trying to push ahead. That won't end well, and I have already learned she is not very forgiving. She, too, has asked for complete space to deal with things on her plate and decide "what she can handle with me."

Though I struggled a bit in the beginning I really let her take the reigns. She was the one who determined when we started having sex, or when we were just friends. They have always been in her hands, and they still are. It's going to be up to her to want to be friends again, because I've done as much as I can. She is to contact me when she feels ready.
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss
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