Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
If you want to have a debate about what boundaries are reasonable or not, then that's fair enough, but in my mind it in no way excuses someone unilaterally breaking them, and I don't find it at all relevant to this discussion to have that debate here.
Everything that I mentioned, I mentioned because I did indeed think it was relevant to the discussion.
I wasn't trying to excuse the husband for breaking the boundaries. I was suggesting other ways of looking at the situation so that Fiona could move past feeling that the girlfriend is untrustworthy.
I suspect that the girlfriend doesn't know how serious the boundary-breaking was. The rule of needing to get tested before using condoms--that jumped out at me as something that someone new to poly (as the girlfriend is) might not understand is a deeply serious rule.
That doesn't excuse the husband for breaking the rule, of course. Nor does it mean the rule is unreasonable and should be renegotiated. But it does offer an explanation for how the rule may have gotten broken without the girlfriend necessarily being irresponsible and immature.