was my reply just now on this same thing.
Perhaps think of ways to demystify your metamour person - the wife's BF.
Because he's helping now to take care of your baby and you love her so and he's prob kinda a strangerish person to you still.
But trust your wife she woulnd't pick out a nut.
Trust yourself that you can behave like an honorable Jedi.
And well... maybe start writing your thank you letter to the dude to mail when she gets home. For taking good care of your sweetie. Who is a treasure to you. And now a shared treasure.
I know it prob goes opposite to every conditioning ever movie, book, relationship whatever you have observed over life.
So what? Dare to be different. You already are in coming this far. Go then. Take it out the other end.
YOU have opportunity here to touch compersion if you can only plant the seeds and endure time in the forge.
So do it -- for YOURSELF. Not your sweetie, or the bf but for YOU.
Grow your heart big enough to take it, and the rewards come in spades.
I'm riding my own gooshy wave right now of recursive compersion and let me tell you... THIS is horrible
sweetness. And it hurts me fine, and hurts me oh so good I just puddle.
First time I went there I thought I must be mad, but I was flying on instinct and for a short slice of time I lived in nirvana of a kind.
I'm living in a different nirvana of a kind -- but oh, it spades. Love multiplies. But only if you let it.