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Old 07-25-2012, 10:39 PM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
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Originally Posted by monogamishSF View Post
But isn't part of poly knowing how to negotiate? And knowing the difference between a demand and an agreement?
You can't know by magic, though, and nobody ought to expect that. It's not human.

It's funny, people on here will say never break your own boundaries (like you said), but also that there needs to be compromise.
It's entirely possible. I have absolutes from which I do not stray, and then I have the stuff that doesn't matter as much, so there is room for compromise. If I have to be stubborn about my absolutes and it loses me a potential lover, so be it. Better than finding out the hard way that he's willing to run roughshod over me. (Which I did. With the person with whom I first had sex. That was a kick in the head.)

My expectations were that she would honor my boundaries. Not that they would be easy to honor, but that she was invested enough in them to honor them anyway. That she was up for the challenge. That she could put the integrity our relationship ahead of a casual desire. And it sounds like that was asking too much?
Perhaps from this woman, it was. Polyfidelity isn't easy. What you want (and what I happen to appreciate as well) comes with a lot of working together to make everyone comfortable. It sounds from here like your SO wasn't willing to invest that time and work. It is absolutely normal to be upset and sad over that. The end, or the fracture, of a relationship is a cause for sorrow, so grieve.
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