Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
I have just one comment...
I am the "hinge" in our relationship, and, while that is a good idea, it can only go so far. I have two strong-willed borderline introverted women in my life and at some point my efforts at facilitation back-fired on me - essentially they both told me to stop trying so hard and that if they want to talk to each other, they will!
Being one of them: it worked. We communicate better on our own terms, in our own time, than we do when we feel we have to.
On the other hand, a) I met them at the same time, so no hiding allowed and b) I would've wanted to meet her regardless. Been eager, even. So I am a very different "newcomer" from Colada.
I have to say, this is an interesting experiment in "making it work". It's a brilliant idea, really. She wants to be his person? By God, she can sweep and cook and do laundry just like you do. You're right about the need for balance. FWIW, I think you would do better upstairs with the kids if you want to communicate that you, not Colada, are Mom. You can be there when they need you without risking Colada seeing you (in the same house? Okay, I said it was interesting...) and the upstairs is more yours, emotionally, because you've been there longer. I like your logic. I also like the idea of making over and marking out what space is yours. I would so be putting in a spa tub.
Is she aware that, sooner or later, she may well run into you? Or have to meet you, what with the same-house thing? I mean, what if you two get the munchies at the same midnight hour? Are you going to text Piper "Hey, I'm going to the kitchen"? Nobody can function in the house if two absolutely must not come in contact with each other. To be an effective parent, for one, right now you need the run of the upstairs, so Colada needs to stay confined to Piper's bedroom. Presumably it has a toilet, which is good.
But! One day at a time. You will either deal with this in your time or you will be forced into dealing with it. Consider which you prefer.