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Old 07-25-2012, 09:14 PM
monogamishSF monogamishSF is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 48

Originally Posted by lovefromgirl View Post
So here's a second breach of trust. Apparently you really haven't gotten past the past, which, I will repeat, means that y'all probably shouldn't have gone forward at all with the dating-separately. Doing that means relinquishing a lot of control. The way you've described your boundaries reminds me of medieval courtly love: maybe a kiss in church! Love poems! Admiration from afar! It's pretty clear to me that at least one of you is sexual, so... what were you expecting of them? Can you give me a time frame, here? The narrative doesn't really provide one.
I didn't know the timeframe, it was all too new. It was complicated by her travelling. She was in town, maybe, for like a month of us knowing her at all, and the seeing her seperately thing occured a few weeks in, so if I don't count her time away, they only had seen each other for like... two weeks? I was hoping a month or two could pass, this first time. But if I factor in the time she was away, it was one and a half months.

And the courtly love comment is cute, but the guidelines came up after I was triggered, so like I've said, I didn't intend them to be permanent, but was taken aback by stronger feelings about them having sex than I thought I would have, so asked that they not. Yet. I knew I needed to give a time frame but things kinda blew up before that came about, and any boundary I laid out was pushed and prodded anyway, it was a whirlwind.

We're both sexual, I just have an easy time remembering I have a partner when opportunity knocks. I don't expect her to just kiss forever. That's... not polyfidelity. And as stated, we've shared partners, so it's not that I expect to be the only person she has sex with.

But yeah, obviously we weren't ready. Like I said in the beginning, I thought I was strong enough for this and I totally wasn't.
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