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Old 07-25-2012, 08:55 PM
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Skater21 Skater21 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: West Jordan
Posts: 31
Default Advice for a Noob

Hi all,

My wife and I are new to the whole poly scene and it is very helpful to be on this forum and read all of the advice from the members of this board.

Here is my situation, my wife is going out of town to visit her boyfriend, they are planning to spend four days together. I have given her my blessing and I have communicated briefly with her boyfriend and I'm in a pretty good place as far as being comfortable with the whole situation. This will be the first time either of us has ventured outside of our marriage, and I applaud my wife for being ethical about it and being patient with me as I have been getting myself accustomed to this big step in our life.

Now the hard part, I know my demons and my fears, they lurk just below the surface and come at me at the most inopportune times; like the middle of the night when you need to sleep and your missing your loved one. I have read some really good material on breaking down fears and determining whether or not they are rational, and I know that most aren't. I love my wife and I know that we are going to be together for as long as possible, so I have security there, and I keep trying to remind myself of that. Most times it is good, but when the fear grabs me, rational thought goes out the window. I have actually experienced physical trembling when my demons get a hold of me, something that has never happened to me before. The last thing I want is for my wife to come home from her trip and find a balled up trembling pile of goo that used to be her husband, I want to be strong and happy for her and glad to see her when she comes home.

Does anyone have any advice on how to best deal with the separation anxiety and the fears that I know are going to come, no matter how at peace I feel with it at the moment? Any help is appreciated.

There can be no failure to a man who has not lost his courage, his character, his self respect or his self-confidence. He is still a King - Orison Swett Marden
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