Thank you for the response. I think one of the issues we have been having is I can not get her to actually go out and do something with me. I am not a terribly expressive person and in recent months if I am not almost literally jumping up and down in excitement she feels I am not having a good time. My attempts to address this by vocalizing that I like what we are doing fails to make her understand. She truly seems to want excited little kid reaction to everything.
Oddly, the job thing is part of the issue but not in the way you would think. Yes I am frustrated I can not get a decent job. But I honestly have no passion for a career I can pour myself into. The type of job is not really an issue just that I have one.
Reading some of the other posts here has clarified a few things for me. She has been really on me to find a passion and a hobby. I now suspect that she was encouraging me to find something to keep myself occupied while she went out. I have been putting most of my energy and passion into our relationship and our house when I have the energy to do so. The depression was winning for awhile.
You are correct that I need to examine the other man issue. It is probably tied up in self esteem and social programming. That was the reason I started seeing a counselor in the first place and we have been working on it through various interactive therapy tools.
My hurt feelings are not that she wants to see other men but that she is unwilling to give a little more time to become comfortable with it and to address the depression first.