GalaGirl had a great answer, as did everyone else.
I hear you - there's only so much you can take. I also hear him - it can suck!
Envy is a vicious beast. It's a new one that I'm trying to slay. Jealousy and insecurity are taking a nap for a while
My GF's husband gets extremely envious of her success with men. And God, he whines on about it. Every single time someone messages her, he makes some kind of 'yeah, but woe is me' comment. It drives us crazy. He lets his envy override absolutely every opportunity to express happiness for her. In fact, I don't think he ever says he's happy for her, until they argue about his envy.
Sympathy can wear thin.
I do understand how your husband feels.
I've been struggling lately, because I'm a Domme and am having problems finding a sub. I'm dating a girl who looked like she was interested in that, but has now professed to be completely vanilla.
I came home last night really deflated, down, frustrated, etc.
I woke up this morning and my girlfriend was in Domme Heaven. She'd been to see her new BDSM play partner. Then she went home and Dommed her husband. Then she got online and Dommed a guy online.
She was all buzzing with excitement and telling me all about it.
I was moping in Domme Drought City.. .and she was brandishing her whip all over the rooftops of Domme Delight City.
Out came the envy demon... I kept trying to kick him back in his mouldy little cage... but after an hour of hearing this excited Domme ramble, I had to say, "baby, I'm so glad you're happy, but given that you know how fed up I was feeling last night, can you have a little more tact and maybe leave me in peace instead of rubbing this cake in my face when I'm starving?"
My point of this example is... has hubby always been the envious type? Is that in his wiring? Or is he going through a rough time, watching you be poly AND having to deal with being on the mono side of it for now?
I definitely think he needs another outlet.
I do believe that out of all the poly emotion demons, envy is the most pathetic little creature. Oh, I do hate him.
I will only acknowledge his existence if my girlfriend is really doing something unnecessary to prod at him.
So.. it's a two-fold thing. Do you think you ever, unwittingly, rub it in hubby's face? Even if you don't think so, could you ask him if he thinks you do? Could you set up an agreement whereby he promises to stop whining on, but tells you if you're doing something specific that really pinches those envy demons?
I think essentially... he can do nothing but try to sort himself out, hope to find another person and stop feeling so blue... and from your end, you can be as tactful and sympathetic as you can, to help him through this time.