What if it all feels suddenly very not good?
I hate being one of those people who only posts in forums like this when I have a problem and want advice, but this is my first post, and I need advice.
I'm in a complicated situation at the moment, and events over the weekend have left me feeling very raw and upset, and I'm finding it difficult to figure out why. First the background situation. I have a g/f (lets call her P) and a male partner (we'll call him B), who up until friday morning were together, but didn't have a sexual relationship. Friday morning, P, B and I were all in bed together, and ended up having a 3sum. There have been a lot of occasions when P has watched B and I having sex, she really enjoys it, but on friday she wanted to join in. We all had a lot of fun, and it was wonderful to take our relationship to this level.
P has always enjoyed open relationships, and because she didn't have a sexual relationship with B, he was happy for her to have sex with other guys, but he doesn't want to know about it. I did have a sexual relationship with him, and he was not happy for me to have sex with other guys.
P went away this weekend, and I knew there was a good chance she would hook up with someone while she was away, and I was happy about that. She got back, and I asked her for the details, and we had some utterly mind-blowing sex. The three of us all rode the glow of it until yesterday evening, when I had to come home and get on with work.
I had a minor wobble monday evening/tues morning, but after talking with P, I felt fine again, and genuinely happy she had had a good time, and had brought that energy home with her, and we had reconnected. However, I went to bed last night and suddenly got hit by the hugest wave of emotions, and was up until about 3:30am this morning just sobbing. I know there's a lot of things going on in my head at the moment, but I dont know where to start with working them out.
There are things she shared with the guy she hooked up with over the weekend, that I know I can't share with her - and that hurts.
I guess in my head I had prepared for her to have sex with someone else, but I hadn't prepared for her to spend the whole weekend with him. She loves the snuggles and pillow chat as much as the sex, and I'm jealous of that intimacy she shared with him.
I'm pissed off that she can have what I so much want.
There's a lot more going on, i think as well, but if i was to go into it all in great detail, I'd ramble on for pages, and end up sitting here sobbing again, and being no use to anyone! My main shock is that the negative feelings suddenly hit me so hard and so out of the blue, when up until that point, I was cool with it all.
I guess my real question is - is this ok? Have other people had this sudden hit of negative emotion in a way that they weren't expecting?