...I feel like I've turned my husband into a monster. He's not evil...we just have different perspectives.
...and sometimes, my feelings of hurt overshadow his moments of awesome.
GG, to your question of harming children, never. He would never, EVER do that kind of thing. He's never physically hit me, but he has thrown my stuff around the bedroom before (ie: my Macbook that he'd bought me as a birthday present the year after we were married.... I "came to bed late" and he was mad about it, so he threw it across the room). He refers to my stuff as "shit," but his stuff is "stuff." He'll remind me of my "promises" (such as my personal commitment to do laundry once a week), but he'll constantly choose not to do something he's promised to do (like dishes) because he works 40 hours a week (I do not...which I'll get to in a few moments).
I'm maintaining a 4.0 in a Master's program with plans to start a doctorate in March of 2013. I work about 10-20 hrs/week for a real estate agent. It's not what I enjoy and it's not consistent hours or money (but, hey! I'm, apparently, not qualified for anything....so say the hiring people). He doesn't understand why I can't just get a job (I can't even get work at a fast food joint because I'm over-qualified) and reminds me of such, periodically. He's not evil. He just wants what he wants and is under his own stress at work.
The BF is actually... everything I've ever dreamed a guy would be like (mostly... we have our issues...like him NOT letting me know he's not going to be around. It's an LD relationship)...when he holds me, I feel safe. It's kinda dumb, I guess. But he's got a "White Knight" complex--which is both blessing and curse. We've had long discussions of how he'll drop everything for everyone else, but not me. He's working on that. No one's perfect, right?
...least of all, me...
I'm sure I'm the most horrid wife ever. I don't fulfill his wants/desires/needs. Perhaps I am functioning in a learned helplessness capacity. I dunno...I read those descriptions and it scares me, at first, then I logic it out and rationalize...it's likely just my emotions and my hurt that is causing the problem....
I'm sorry, I'm probably frustrating you all and making you all want to choke me. I'll look through the forums and find other things way more positive and happy to think about. I'm not always this negative....
"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do, because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." ~Susan B. Anthony
Last edited by Seraphic; 07-25-2012 at 04:32 AM.