oh, BlackUnicorn, that was so beautiful. Welcome to reality. As someone else who crawled over shattered glass to get better, I assure you, someday you will feel better. You will know it was worth it.
I'm so glad to hear you're looking for help, and that you're letting some folks help you, and beginning to learn to help yourself.
My heart goes out to you. <3
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein
Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)