Well, it’s day 9 and we’re several days into our trip. I can’t say it’s going well or that it has improved since yesterday. He worked, I worked a little and watched Pea, we managed to watch a movie – but not without tears and stress. We did talk some tonight – a little eye opening, I suppose. The short, short version is that he’s felt pressured to keep his job which requires a lot of travel. Basically, I was supportive of him taking this job and told him that he needed to travel – in other words, he likes to have control over his time and has trouble separating from his work (which I did say at the time) – so I figured this job would allow him that time and then allow him to be more present when home. I *thought* he would be appreciative that I was supporting him in this because it puts a lot of the housework/bills/chores/childcare on me. But he is not appreciative – rather, he is resentful. He’s angry and prickly when he works and it has never made any sense to me. So basically, it’s a colossal misunderstanding? I have no idea how we got here but what a mess! <more sighing>
Needless to say, I haven’t worked on me or my thoughts today…this was enough to learn for one day I think. Maybe tomorrow…
Rule #7: Poly or not, if you think anything negative about my actions, come talk to me. It’s more likely to be a misunderstanding than an attempt to make you miserable. I find vindictiveness to be a lot of work and very stressful – so I just don’t do it. If I’ve got an issue, I’m generally straightforward, to the point.
Task #7: Breathe.
CielDuMatin - Good point - haha - I can see that being an issue. I love that they both told you that though - It gave me a great visual of two women, saying - leave it alone already! We may eventually get there too, I suppose, but for now, I think we're trying to help Colada past her anxieties - so we have a different issue afoot. But in the future, that may change. We'll see!
Mono wife to husband (Pied Piper) and his GF (Colada)