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Old 07-25-2012, 12:54 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by monogamishSF View Post
This sort of thing is bound happen again, should she find a new secondary interest.
So, hmmm... what are you doing, setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by monogamishSF View Post
Opening Up says, when your partner is out with someone and you’re struggling with your own insecurities, to tell that voice in your head to just “buzz off.” HOW do you do that when your rational brain is no longer in charge? Or when your rational brain is totally present, but your body is on a state of panic?
You may never be able to stop the thoughts that have you feeling insecure and panicky. And realize that, your insecurities are not necessarily due to the present situation, just triggered by it. Underneath it all, you're insecure all the time. So, try to keep that in mind and try not to blame it on circumstance. When these feelings come up, think of that panicked voice that is playing in your head as a radio station blasting the same old songs every day. Eventually, you will recognize these thoughts and start filtering them as background noise. Know they are there, but pay them no credence. Eventually, you have these thoughts and your response to them will be, "Oh, those silly thoughts again." That's how you get past it and move on, but it takes practice.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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